Why You're Tired But Not Sleepy and What It Means

Let's play a game of ‘Spot the Difference’, shall we?

Scenario A: You've run around like a blue arsed fly all day.  Busy, productive but in flow.  Probably racked up 10k steps (or chased a toddler for 12 hours), your muscles ache, your eyelids are heavy, and the moment your head hits the pillow, you are out like a light.

Scenario B: You haven’t moved much from your desk chair, yet you feel like you have been dragging a bag of wet sand around all day. You numbed out in front of the TV, doom scrolled for hours and maybe had a glass of wine or two (no shade!).  You crawl into bed, desperate for relief and absolutely knackered, but your brain decides now is the perfect time to replay that awkward conversation from last week and you for some reason really want to know all the movies Brad Pitt has been in or you'll never rest. You're absolutely shattered, and sleep feels impossible.  

If you are nodding along to Scenario B, you aren't just tired, love. You're likely dealing with emotional exhaustion. 

The Physical vs Emotional Smackdown

It's incredibly common to confuse the two because all roads lead to wanting to sleep right. But knowing the difference is the key to actually feeling better.

Physical Tiredness is straightforward. It's your body saying, ‘I've used up my energy credits, please recharge.’ It's usually resolved by sleep and rest. When you are physically tired, sleep comes as a relief and with ease.  You wake up rested and ready to go.

Emotional Exhaustion is trickier. Your body has still used up its credits but likely earlier in the day.  You're often on the point of overtired, if you're not already (if you've had a child you know how a toddler gets if they don't get their nap?  That's you in adult form right now).  It's your nervous system saying, ‘I have been processing too much data, holding too many feelings, and masking for too long and I'm fit to pop".

The Tell-Tale Sign: 

If you find yourself saying "Why am I always tired but not sleepy?"  or "I've only just woken up, I don't know why I'm still so bloody tired" that's the golden ding ding ding tell tell sign. That's the ‘tired but wired’ state where your cortisol is spiking.

Sneaky Emotional Exhaustion Symptoms

The signs are all there but the problem is we often ignore them until we're properly burnt out or we blame them on other things. Here's what to look for when you're playing detective of your own energy:

• The Dread: You feel heavy before the day has even started.
• Sensory Overload: The noise of the kettle boiling or someone chewing too loudly all of a sudden makes you want to scream.
• Detachment: You feel a bit numb or cynical about things you usually enjoy.
• Brain Fog: You walk into a room and forget why you're there, start a sentence but forget what you're saying half way through (more than usual!).

So, What Do We Do About It?

First off, let's give emotional exhaustion some air time.  I see a lot of talk about these symptoms online but the solutions and suspected causes are almost always, move, take supplements, eat a balanced diet, 'consider if it's the pause'.  It's rare that the chat covers the mind and soul elements of who we are. 

I'm not saying don't look at or take care of yourself physically as our energy and who we are is physical, mental, emotional and spiritual I'm just saying don't narrow your focus as you may be looking for the missing puzzle piece in the wrong place.

So how do we work on emotional exhaustion? Here's some tips:

1. Stop Should-ing Yourself

Acknowledge the fact you've been doing too much for too long and you're full...done.. over it already!  Stop telling yourself you should be doing more or able to do more.  You're not a robot.

2. Active Rest over Passive Scrolling

Sorry to tell you this but doom-scrolling Instagram is not rest.  It's just more input for your already fried brain. Try 10 minutes of stillness, some gentle stretching and breathing, or my fav, a bit of Reiki. We need to switch the nervous system from ‘fight or flight’ to rest and relax.

3. Super Sleuth Your Triggers

Notice when/why the symptoms hit. Is it after a call with a specific person? Is it when you look at your bank account? Identifying what is draining you is the first step to plugging the leak.

4. Work on your triggers

There are many different ways to do this and I'd recommend you find something that's bespoke to you and your needs.  My go to's are Reiki, mindfulness, coaching and shifting outdated brain programs with Belief Coding® there isn't much one of these or a combination of couldn't solve.

5. Get it done

I know you're already overwhelmed and exhausted and the thought of doing one more thing perhaps feels like a step to fair but honestly, you'll thank yourself if you do.  If I had a penny for all the 'I wish I solved it earliers' I would be rich indeed.  Sometimes the barriers we put up to change are resistance and old worn patterns repeating and you deserve to feel better and it might not be as hard as you think.

If you're in the trenches right now.  Fatigued, overwhelmed, burnt out, and your mind, body and soul is asking for a different kind of nourishment. Let's explore what it needs.  Fill in this short form about where you're at right now and I'll get back to you.

Pick My Brain