Why Personal Growth Can Feel Hard And Why That's Normal

I see you... you've got plans, goals and dreams, big dreams but yet do you feel like you are continually taking two steps forward and one back?.

How many times this week have you been like a kid on a long journey... 'Why aren't I there yet?"  so desperate to have achieved that goal or dream?

Personal growth can sometimes feel less like a butterfly emerging gracefully from a cocoon and more like wading through treacle while wearing a heavy wool coat. 

If you've been feeling like everything is just a bit much lately, or that your healing journey has hit a wall, I need you to know something important.

This friction is normal.  It doesn't mean you are failing.  It means you're stretching!

It's easy to get caught up in compare and despair.  We see the highlight reels of people's "quantum leaps" online, but it's rare they show the messy middle. The bit where they're questioning their sanity, their choices, and why they ever started this work in the first place. 

Today, I want to strip back the filter and talk about why working on our goals can feel like crap, and why that heaviness is actually a sign you're right on track.

1. Resistance is NOT a Stop Sign

When things get tough, what thoughts are coming up for you?

My defaults are typically "you're doing it all wrong", "you should quit" .  I can hear the thoughts slithering around in my brain like the snake from The Jungle Book, trying to put me to sleep.  And because I have a strong freeze or flight response, that can show up as sudden exhaustion and a whole load of distractions.

But really this is subconscious programming and resistance in action.  In real life, when the rubber is meeting the road.  These thoughts aren't true!

Think of your subconscious mind as a very loyal, slightly overprotective guard dog. Its job is to keep you safe, and to your subconscious, "safe" means "familiar." Even if the familiar situation is miserable, it's predictable. 

When you try to change.  When you try to grow, to heal, to expand your subconscious panics. It throws up resistance in the form of procrastination, doubt, fatigue, or just a general feeling of "ugh, I can't." 

Instead of seeing resistance as a sign to stop, see it as confirmation that you are pushing against an old boundary. 

It's proof you're expanding and it's meant to feel a bit sticky.  I had an old coach once who sadly has passed now but her words stuck with me "Are you even growing if you don't feel a little sick?"  This is so true.  Growth is stepping out of your comfort zone It doesn’t mean you should suffer endlessly, but some discomfort is part of expansion.

2. The Backpack of Adult Responsibilities

Thing is, and I am sorry to break it to you ha ha.  We aren't twenty-one anymore with zero ties and a backpack full of dreams and a whole life time to figure it out. 

Most of us are navigating this growth while managing households, careers, relationships, children, or aging parents. We've accumulated experiences and responsibilities and we're tired, sooo tired!

We've also accumulated and absorbed a ton of subconscious beliefs and programming and we're carrying all of this around.

Changing our life and shifting our identity carries more weight now because we're carrying more. 

If I can give it a metaphor, think of it like this.  If you were pivoting a speedboat it would be easy; pivoting a cruise ship takes time, effort, and a lot of energy. We are like metaphorical cruise ships.  Wanting a good time but yet it can be hard to manoeuvre.

We can't just drop everything and take six months off in Bali to "find ourselves" (I wish!), and that's okay. 

We're doing the work in the real world, which is arguably more complicated but in the end it is also more impressive as 'we grow through what we go through' but boy can working on ourselves and our goals be the growth spurt we never imagined. 

Those grow pains though... they can land hard as we trudge on with our backpack full of responsibility.

3. Fear of Disruption vs. Desire for Peace

There's likely a massive tug-of-war happening inside you right now. One part of you desperately wants peace, alignment, and that fresh new chapter. The other part of you is absolutely terrified of the disruption required to get there.

Growth is disruptive. 

It changes relationship dynamics. It changes how you show up at work. It changes what you tolerate. It changes how you see yourself and sometimes that ain't 'perty'

That fear of rocking the boat is what can keep you stuck.  And there is a scientific reason for the friction it creates.

It's not that you aren't capable.  It's that your system is trying to calculate if the peace on the other side is worth the temporary chaos now.

The art is finding tools and support that help you move in manageable chunks, rather than blowing your life up all at once, unless the situation genuinely calls for it.

4. The Comparison Trap (Past, Present & Future)

Comparing yourself to others is standard those highlight reels can be triggering.  

But what about when you are comparing yourself to previous versions of yourself.  You might catch yourself thinking, "This never used to happen in my 20's it was so easy to...", "I used to be able to multitask better than this," or "Why did I have more energy five years ago?"

You are a different person now. Your context is different. The world is different. Holding yourself to the productivity standards of a version of you who didn't have your current level of awareness is unfair. You can't un-know what you know now. Ignorance was bliss, perhaps, but it wasn't growth.

You might also find yourself comparing yourself to the future self you are becoming. "I should be further on right now", "I should have x result by now" or " Why is it so gawd damn hard it should be easy" .

There are reasons for why you aren't where you want to be right now.  Probably resistance keeping you back from taking the actions you need to.  Likely so subtle you can't see it.  

In both cases, the frustration it can cause is very real.  Frustration creates more resistance and we end up in a vicious circle of beat downs keeping us stuck.

5. The Importance of  Deeper Growth

We live in a world now where instant gratification is being encouraged.  Everything is faster, bigger, more commercial.  We are encouraged to want it all and to want it all NOW.  But the soul doesn't work on Amazon Prime delivery times. 

Deep, long lasting growth happens in the subconscious, the root of everything.  The foundations of you.

Sure you can go for fast growth, quick fixes, but are they sustainable?  They can often be superficial like trying to stick a coat of paint over a cracking wall. 

Deep growth? That's structural repair. It takes longer, it can sometimes be messier, and (frustratingly) it can look like nothing is happening for ages but those firm foundations you've built will show up time and time again.

If you're in the thick of it right now, take a breath. You're building self-trust by simply showing up for yourself, even when it feels like wading through treacle. Finding something hard isn't failure it's the price of entry for deep transformation.